One of the most fun Apps on iPad Pro is the Amaziograph and I've clearly been tripping on it a lot. You can make patterns, designs and random doodles endlessly. Whoever tries it, is entertained for quite a while, you see, it is very difficult to make an ugly drawing on this app. Here's how it works:Trippy, isn't it?Here's some more:These are some of my favourites:A colour wheel, because, of course a colour wheel. :) :)A variation of something I used to doodle since a while ago (See here and here )Tries to make use of the symmetry feature here.Tried my hand at making an abstract camouflage-like print.And my most favourite - inspired by snowflakes on a dark winter night (which of course we don't have in Bangalore, hence just an imagination):)
Sunny days and rainbows
There are dolls and cars and blocks, and there are lenses, mirrors and prisms. We played with both.
Summer afternoons were sometimes spent burning carbon paper with lenses, making rainbows with prisms, or simply spinning the colour wheel to see a muddy grey mix of colours (instead of the theoretical white). We would be fascinated by how things appeared upside down when seen through lenses, and how they would distort in convex and concave mirrors. Sometimes we would just lie back and look inside a kaleidoscope, and sometimes we would try to look at the moon with binoculars.
While my interest in science took a deep dive in high school once it became all about formulas and calculations, optics remained the only subject I managed to enjoy in Physics.Even now, I occasionally gaze into this dusty old kaleidoscope I bought a few years ago.
Even now I run outside every time I see a rainbow, staring at it till it fades into the sky.
I try to zoom into the moon more and more with every new camera phone.
And I still get lost in the colours of light scattered by glass.
If you can't run, walk.
When I was asked to be the mascot for this year's Pinkathon Bangalore, I asked, "really? Are you sure?? Are you reeeeaallyy sure???"Me? This lazy-couch-potato-netflix-binge-watcher-perennial-excuse-maker-me?? They don't know my “dirty little secret” that I quit yoga after four months because I was “travelling too often”, that I look for any excuse to not wake up early, that I barely make it to gym more than two or three times a week. I am probably the laziest person I know.But there I was, with this responsibility shoved into my hands - to motivate and inspire women to run and to lead a healthy and active lifestyle. I started a slow process of training for Pinkathon, when two weeks later during my regular check-up, some of the disease reappeared. All my plans took a complete turn and I stopped everything to focus on my health. Some days later, after the initial shock subsided and running around hospitals was done, I started going for walks again, at my own pace.Today, I was called an inspiration by quite a few people. Why me? Just look around and you'll find inspiration everywhere.Inspiration is my mother, who did her first 3k with a six month long pain in her foot. It is my sister-in-law, who ran her first 5k, just two months after giving birth to her second child.Inspiration is those women who can't see, but ran ten kilometres, and the ones who held their hands and ran with them. It is that lady walking slowly in a crisp saree and a neat white braid. It is that lanky girl whose long strides were as graceful as they were strong. It is the girl filling out the largest sized tee and the one drowning in the smallest sized one. It is the women walking, dancing and smiling with their babies held close to their chests. It is those fighters, who didn't let setbacks, weakness or illness stop them from moving forward.Inspiration is all those women who proudly proclaimed their fears, flaws and insecurities on their bibs for the world to see. This morning, I might have inspired some, for a few minutes, but I am inspired by so many.
Mutant C
Trying to decode this mysterious disease, in my research I came across an article that said cancer is the result of a genetic mutation. Well, that makes me a mutant. The X-Men are mutants too, right?
They say it takes the most difficult situations to bring out the best in you. And a horrible disease like cancer forces you to gather all your strength and summon your inner superpowers to fight and win.
I have summoned all my inner strength, focus and positivity to beat this yet again. Maybe the second time I'll do it right. Maybe the second time it will all work. Maybe the second time it will go away for good.Whatever happens, I intend to live my life full of happiness and health. If I can't run, I'll walk. But I'll keep moving forward because forward is the only way.
I have many imperfections, laziness, weakness at times, but what I don't have is an excuse - to treat anything more important than my health, to keep fitness a low priority, to not give time to myself.All I aim for is to be healthier today than yesterday - taking it one day at a time.
(I am running the Pinkathon again this year. 3k, thanks to my not-so-strong knees.)
Up and away
Kites in this country are associated with Uttarayan or Sankranti, on 14th January. But growing up in Delhi, we used to fly kites around 15th August, cool monsoon winds making them soar high. My role was mostly limited to holding the kite and throwing it up and then running to the other side to hold the 'maanja'. Sometimes my brother would let me hold the kite string for a minute or two, before he would have to swoop in and save the kite from taking a complete nose dive.I've been planning to work on a series of illustrations and having an iPad makes it so much easier. (I never thought I would get so much use out of it!). So here it is, me and my big brother on our apartment terrace with its faded red walls and that beloved neem tree at the back. And while the watercolour version is definitely more relatable to me, I discovered the crayon tool on the software and decided to make another one. I can't decide which one I like better, so I guess there will have to be more illustrations in my nostalgia series for that. :) Which one do you prefer?
Pretty graffiti
I just returned from an almost two-week trip to Germany and Czech Republic last week, and while I bombarded my Instagram with a ton of pictures, here are some sketches I started there and finished here.The art and graffiti on the walls of Berlin were quite inspiring and as I tried to imitate some of it (and failed!), I realised that typography can really be tough. We don't appreciate graffiti artists enough!And this is exactly what was going on in my mind as I was walking around in Prague. Every. Single. Building. Is soooooo beautiful, you can't decide where to look! It seriously is overwhelming. And since I found some graffiti in Prague too, I just HAD to put it down in a doodle....and that's me, sitting on a bench on a river island in pretty, pretty Prague. Sometimes when you finally find those moments of peace that you've really been looking forward to, you don't even feel like sketching because you don't need anything else to feel happy and content. Just look up at the sunlight streaming though the leaves, take a deep breath and you'll find yourself smiling to yourself. But I just had to capture that peaceful moment, so here's a quick sketch I made: Our country might not be as clean and well maintained as those, but I sure am glad we have parks and trees for lazy, peaceful afternoons like this.
Holiday Obligations
The pressure to have fun
To fill every second of every minute of every idle hour
with purposeful activity
that negates all the stress of past months
The obligation to appreciate
the luxury of time
nature, beauty, food, rest and play.
To soak these myopic eyes
with all the greenery around,
hoping it would heal
weeks of screen-aches.
To fill my lungs with fresh oxygen…
Enough to last till the next vacation
To fill at least two pages of my sketchbook
to make up for days of settled dust on it.
To forcefully shut out
any thought of office
work, routine, chores
and exhale every worry
through deep, mindful breaths
The obligation to fit in at least
one healthy meal
or a twenty minute walk
So I can check off the “health” box.
To skim over every possible experience
Instead of just immersing myself in one.
The obligation to not miss a sunrise
because I miss them at home everyday
But also to catch up on my lost hours of sleep
to rest my overworked brain.
The pressure to really, truly, completely, thoroughly
enjoy every single moment
Yet
not sulk in regret
if it doesn’t happen.
To look nice, yet effortless
To stay off the grid, but ‘update’ and share’
To find that perfect seashell / pine cone / pebble / leaf
The perfect souvenir
To take the perfect selfie
The perfect picture of the
ever-changing yet always perfect
golden sunset
Oh, the pressure to just chill!
…I need time out after my vacation.
Me and my fashion girls
When I was going through my treatment, I stayed home for over six months, spending all of my time in the most comfortable sweatshirts and pyjamas. In between office work and naps, I thought of the time I would go back to office, which would be a swanky new building, and getting dressed up everyday. I work in fashion and what I love about working where I do, is that you can wear anything you want - shiny heels or knee high boots, torn jeans or mini skirts, spaghetti straps, biker jackets, short shorts or layered kurtas.. anything! In the two years of corporate life before I got sick, a basic safe t-shirt or top with clean jeans and sneakers was my uniform, punctuated with a dress or a skirt and heels on a rare Friday. It is the six months of continuous pyjama wearing and the amount of time I had to think, that I figured out a few things.For a long time I had been (and sometimes now too) conflicted with my interests that clash so much with each other. I want to work on environmental issues, grow trees, reduce plastic, recycle.... and I work in the fashion industry where I make more and more clothes to sell. For the longest time I felt guilty about being interested in fashion, while hating fashion at the same time. It is only recently that I started to acknowledge that for me, dressing up isn't always dependent on buying and hoarding more and more. And besides, what's wrong with wanting to look nice, or wanting to look a certain way?"Life is too short to wear boring clothes" (and youth is even shorter!)So I drew things I would like to wear when I go back to work, with my hair in a short crop and of course a good amount of artistic license. :)I just recently got around to scanning those illustrations, so here they are:I am always partial to crayons as a medium, for their sheer convenience (and also their smell and creamy texture), but looking at some not-so-bad attempts at watercolour, I am encouraged to take out my paint brushes and watercolours more often. Miles to go, but it seems like a fun path.Will definitely do more illustrations now that I am back to work, dressed up in my kitten heels and red lipsticks. :)p.s. Click on images to enlarge
Neck pillows, neck pillows everywhere
They say when you travel, you grow as a person. Well, here are some of my learnings from a recent international trip:
- When it comes to prettiness of a place, 90% of the job is done by cleanliness. Design / architecture comes later.
- There are a similar proportion of idiots in every country. It seems more in India, because there are more people.
- There are a similar proportion of nice people too in every country. We get used to local niceness, so foreign niceness comes as a pleasant surprise.
- Cotton socks are useless in the snow. Stick to big, fuzzy woollen socks.
- Always carry moisturiser.
- Scandinavian countries are setting great examples of women's equality.
- Dubai Duty Free is overrated. Any Duty Free is overrated.
- After your twenties, you can't imagine moving to another country, you're too comfortable and used to where you are.
- Croissants + coffee is awesome, so is parathas + adrak chai. You can't compare.
- You can find photos on the internet, not memories.
- A big vacation calls for a small vacation when you return - to get some rest from all the travel.
- And finally, if you travel without a neck pillow, you haven't really "arrived".
One year
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Today is exactly a year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Cancer.
It’s an ugly word, an ugly disease that grips your mind more than your body.
When I first found out, I was weirdly very calm. For me, it was just a problem that would take a few months to solve. That’s it. No other thoughts were allowed to enter my mind. My only worry was how would my family feel, will they be ok?
When I was undergoing my treatment, I came across phrases and words like “fighting cancer”, “kicking cancer’s ass”, “brave”.. and so on when I read about people who underwent this disease. I couldn’t understand why. The real fight was being fought by doctors who were treating me and my family who were taking care of me. All I had to do was eat, sleep and relax.
It was only towards the end of my treatment, when I knew I would be on my own now, with no doctors to monitor my health weekly, no frequent tests or scans, no more cancer killing chemo given to me, that I got to know that it can be tough. It is then that I realised that it’s a lifelong commitment, to keep myself healthy. And it is that when it dawned upon me that it is a fight of the mind, more than the body.
I made a decision. A very simple one. To just LIVE. To live life, experience things, do what I like, whatever makes me happy and to make my mind and body stronger than it has ever been.
I was told by one of the doctors to “live three months at a time”. I’m sorry, can’t do that, I’ve got a LIFE to LIVE. I don’t fear death anymore, and that is why I don’t fear life either.
No, I haven’t gone through a complete change of personality. I am the same person with the same anger issues, same fear of talking to people, same likes and dislikes. I’m just living a little more than before now.
Some people said that I’ve been inspiring, but I don’t understand that. I just fought my own battle, and more than me, it is my family who did.
Yes, there are times when I have to internally shout and drown out that tiny, nagging sound of fear, but since I’ve decided to live my life, that’s what I am doing now.
This weekend, I’m running the Pinkathon.
Update: I did :)
The time is NOW
On most days, I get a sudden sense of panic during that lazy post-lunch hour at work. I get restless with thoughts bombarding my mind - not desperate, negative thoughts, but thoughts of great creativity, excitement and motivation. ...Of things I should be making, subjects I should be drawing, topics I should be writing about... endless lists bubbling in my brain. But a corporate schedule doesn't allow for sudden outbursts of crayon doodling, and by the time I get home, I'm too tired to pick up my tape and scissors to make anything.
So I've decided to try out something new. I am going to try to satisfy my creative urges whenever I can, on priority - whether there are chores to be done, the house to be cleaned or emails to be answered. Even if it means making an ugly, out-of-proportion fashion illustration, or just filling up a page vigorously with a creamy stick of oil pastel crayon, I'm going to do it.
Because the time to live is NOW.
Resolutions, resolutions...
Do fish fart?
Things I'm not using right now
Being bald might not be the most pleasant experience for some, especially when it is not by choice. Every time I go out, I get stared at a lot, and I can see the questions in people's unblinking eyes.. "why is she bald?"... After a point it is difficult to ignore the rude stares, but since I'm not going out much these days, it is somewhat bearable.On the plus side, my showers are super quick, and having no hair is sort of liberating. I miss looking at myself in the mirror with a head full of hair, but strangely, I don't miss the paraphernalia that comes with it. Here's a little drawing of things I am not using right now.
Lazing around
Peachy pink fashion girls
Selfiyaan hi selfiyaan
I think the selfie trend, the ease of taking our own pictures and publishing them for hundreds and thousands of people to view, is partly responsible for our obsession with the way we look, our obsession with fashion and the things we buy and wear. We can't look perfect all the time, but at least our pictures can, at least to others.
Random musings
Planner DIY
I've always been a big fan of planners, making lists and trying to be organised being some of my favourite things to do. Every year I buy myself an organiser refill and end up using it for not more than a week. So this year I decided to drop the idea and made an illustrated list of New Year's resolutions instead. :)But then I found this old planner in my cupboard, with its cute, coloured panels, and decided to give organising yet another shot. Since it is April already, I didn't buy a refill with its mostly useless sheets, and chose to use some blank A4 printer paper to make my pages.Here's a quick DIY if you're looking for an inexpensive way to make your planner pages:I used some old planner pages as size reference to cut the A4 sheets - you'll get 2 pages out of one sheet. A couple of old newspapers act as a good cushion if you're cutting with a scale and paper cutter.
The real challenge here is to cut exact punch holes. I didn't have a 6-hole punch, so I decided to use my regular punch with some jugaad. :)Take your old planner paper and secure some blank sheets under it with a binder clip. Turn your punch upside down, hold it diagonally over the paper so that only one part of it can punch one hole on the paper. When you're trying to align white sheets on a white base, it can be quite tough to find the exact place.
So, I came up with a cool little solution. Just darken the stencil paper's punch holes with a marker and you'll be able to easily align the punch with the required point on the paper.
Makes it so much easier to align the sheets and locate the exact points to be punched now!
And if you don't mind the little paper circles flying around as you punch, just remove the bottom cover of your punch for a better view of the paper.
Ta-daaa! My zero cost planner insert pages are ready! Let's hope I use them a little more than every year this time :)