When I was asked to be the mascot for this year's Pinkathon Bangalore, I asked, "really? Are you sure?? Are you reeeeaallyy sure???"
Me? This lazy-couch-potato-netflix-binge-watcher-perennial-excuse-maker-me?? They don't know my “dirty little secret” that I quit yoga after four months because I was “travelling too often”, that I look for any excuse to not wake up early, that I barely make it to gym more than two or three times a week. I am probably the laziest person I know.But there I was, with this responsibility shoved into my hands - to motivate and inspire women to run and to lead a healthy and active lifestyle. I started a slow process of training for Pinkathon, when two weeks later during my regular check-up, some of the disease reappeared. All my plans took a complete turn and I stopped everything to focus on my health. Some days later, after the initial shock subsided and running around hospitals was done, I started going for walks again, at my own pace.Today, I was called an inspiration by quite a few people. Why me? Just look around and you'll find inspiration everywhere.Inspiration is my mother, who did her first 3k with a six month long pain in her foot. It is my sister-in-law, who ran her first 5k, just two months after giving birth to her second child.
Inspiration is those women who can't see, but ran ten kilometres, and the ones who held their hands and ran with them. It is that lady walking slowly in a crisp saree and a neat white braid. It is that lanky girl whose long strides were as graceful as they were strong. It is the girl filling out the largest sized tee and the one drowning in the smallest sized one. It is the women walking, dancing and smiling with their babies held close to their chests. It is those fighters, who didn't let setbacks, weakness or illness stop them from moving forward.Inspiration is all those women who proudly proclaimed their fears, flaws and insecurities on their bibs for the world to see.
This morning, I might have inspired some, for a few minutes, but I am inspired by so many.
Mutant C
MutantC
Trying to decode this mysterious disease, in my research I came across an article that said cancer is the result of a genetic mutation. Well, that makes me a mutant. The X-Men are mutants too, right?
They say it takes the most difficult situations to bring out the best in you. And a horrible disease like cancer forces you to gather all your strength and summon your inner superpowers to fight and win.
I have summoned all my inner strength, focus and positivity to beat this yet again. Maybe the second time I'll do it right. Maybe the second time it will all work. Maybe the second time it will go away for good.Whatever happens, I intend to live my life full of happiness and health. If I can't run, I'll walk. But I'll keep moving forward because forward is the only way.
I have many imperfections, laziness, weakness at times, but what I don't have is an excuse - to treat anything more important than my health, to keep fitness a low priority, to not give time to myself.All I aim for is to be healthier today than yesterday - taking it one day at a time.
(I am running the Pinkathon again this year. 3k, thanks to my not-so-strong knees.)
One year
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Today is exactly a year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Cancer.
It’s an ugly word, an ugly disease that grips your mind more than your body.
When I first found out, I was weirdly very calm. For me, it was just a problem that would take a few months to solve. That’s it. No other thoughts were allowed to enter my mind. My only worry was how would my family feel, will they be ok?
When I was undergoing my treatment, I came across phrases and words like “fighting cancer”, “kicking cancer’s ass”, “brave”.. and so on when I read about people who underwent this disease. I couldn’t understand why. The real fight was being fought by doctors who were treating me and my family who were taking care of me. All I had to do was eat, sleep and relax.
It was only towards the end of my treatment, when I knew I would be on my own now, with no doctors to monitor my health weekly, no frequent tests or scans, no more cancer killing chemo given to me, that I got to know that it can be tough. It is then that I realised that it’s a lifelong commitment, to keep myself healthy. And it is that when it dawned upon me that it is a fight of the mind, more than the body.
I made a decision. A very simple one. To just LIVE. To live life, experience things, do what I like, whatever makes me happy and to make my mind and body stronger than it has ever been.
I was told by one of the doctors to “live three months at a time”. I’m sorry, can’t do that, I’ve got a LIFE to LIVE. I don’t fear death anymore, and that is why I don’t fear life either.
No, I haven’t gone through a complete change of personality. I am the same person with the same anger issues, same fear of talking to people, same likes and dislikes. I’m just living a little more than before now.
Some people said that I’ve been inspiring, but I don’t understand that. I just fought my own battle, and more than me, it is my family who did.
Yes, there are times when I have to internally shout and drown out that tiny, nagging sound of fear, but since I’ve decided to live my life, that’s what I am doing now.
This weekend, I’m running the Pinkathon.
Update: I did :)
